Internal

I am collapsing

Internally my organs are bursting

When nerves consume my intestines

My immune system weakens

Constantly sick

Sick to my stomach

Turmoil within

Creating short wind

The trouble of moving

Or even getting up

My bones crack and shake

Movings too tough

The chills take me over

The layers add on

Not wanting to eat

Spread out like butchered meat

Closing my eyes 

I feel pure paradise

As if my dreams are better than real life
As days end

The sun always rises
Maybe this feeling
Will soon capsize 

Dark Heart

You stabbed me

Straight in the heart

The bloody residue

All over the walls

I stand there and stare 

Looking in the mirror

Wondering if that hole is really there

The red pulsing organ 

Moving and flailing on the ground below

The blood pouring out the vessels

Looks so much like snow

Never have I wondered 

If the feeling is true

Its hard to catch my breath

Not because of you

I still can't believe 

My vulnerability 

The way my body opened up to you

Armor off

All brand new

What happened with that

The feelings took over

But then just like that

The blade went straight in

Clean incision 

The cardiologist's are proud

Another example of love gone bad

Now another heart to examine

Be passed around

The massacre just happened

Why is it that I feel this tragedy

But I can still stand above it

Looking down 

Watching my own heart beat

Without any emotion

I feel nothing 

In the sense of a heart

The place it existed

Just went dark

Time

Sitting in a hammock
Thinking of time
Time in which my body didn't have these wrinkles
Time in which my past wasn't a black cloud
Time
Time passes everyone by
It doesn't wait for you
It doesn't care if you need a little longer
It keeps going
Solely aware of its own self
It isn't aware that you need to get up for work
It isn't aware that you need to go to sleep
It just rolls along
Never skipping a beat
Never forgetting to get the sun up
Or put the moon down for rest
It has aged me in ways I wish to remember
It has aged me in ways I wish to forget
I will always love my sweet time
It will be the one thing I let slip between my fingertips each day
The one thing I can never make up
Where does time go
I want to play

Spider minded

Loving me is stressful
You need to know me well
I feel for those who attempt
At the end of the day they fail
Not a time passes that their mind is at ease
A second after my love is a tease
I do understand insects love for another
Especially black widows
They just end up eating eachother
So many times I feel like devouring
Taking his soul with my terrible power
I truly feel for the ones tangled 
My potent pheromones to strangle

I smile at the ones I'll consume

They can never escape my doom 

Dark art

Why must I be so difficult 

Why is there a battle going on 

I can't win

I can't lose

I'm only playing against myself

A part of me is happy

A part of me is sad

When will I distinguish 

The good from the bad

I can't seem to see 

When the glass is half full

The emptiness of the glass

Consumes my skull

I don't get why I battle myself

I'm better than the self destruction

Healthier than the dose of depression 

I'm happy for the most part

But then the darkness comes

It takes on a shadow of beautiful art

The emotions pile on me 

Like oil paints smearing the canvas

But after awhile they all blend

Leaving a dark canvas to tend 

I'm too close now I start to suffer 

I'm pulling you down with me 

When will this battle stop

Because a little while longer 

I won't be sane enough 

Nittygritty

It's such a shame 

How people waste their name 

The pain they experience

Doesn't shape them 

It makes them diminish

Using something to drown it out

Not even trying to figure it out

Instead I chose a blade

Cut so many times just to bleed

I didn't want to numb myself

Loading my veins into a comatose 

I chose deal with it 

Every pain I experienced it

Only to have a sharp wing of a butterfly

To cut me open and let me cry 

We all deal with things so different

It's life we either love it hate it or leave it 

09/21/15

This
This feeling thats unbearable
The emptiness never leaving
No matter what
We are all a meaning
I wondered today why you were taken away
Closed my eyes
Wished you good bye
The tears weren't forced
The sob untouched
I still can't describe this feeling
The earth stands still
The sun is always clear
We have had tremendous days
Death thats arising
Our hearts darkness blinding
A whistle in the distance
I don't want to live without you
No wonder people say
Love lives on
How could it stop even when you are gone
Memories and photos keep you alive
Sometimes I forget that you died
Thats okay I accept
Ill cherish the time I was left 
Never forget your contagious smile
Just to remember your only gone for a little while