Worldly

Eyes closed
Mind exposed
Press delete on my inner defeat
Wondering down the passages to home
Escaping the real world unknown
Twist and Turn
My body wonders
Aching for our souls encounter
A dream
A nightmare
A pleasant awaken
The only outcomes I have seen this evening
Silver lining
Gold flakes
Continuing to drown
Sunbathe
I love you so much
The world already knows
Your love for me is twisted
Scared for the unknown
Excuses
Plans
Failing once more
I only knew I loved you
But you were waiting at the door

Supernovae

You think you can look at me
With those piercing eyes
And for one second
I won't fake a smile
You already disassembled my code
Undressed me from head to toe
Will i fit into your box
Shiny Enough
Scuff it up
I tend to play in the dirt
Washing my hands
Leaving the hurt
This mess won't be easy to hide
Coming and going
The moons
The tide
Just like a star
I'll shine after exploding
Leaving reminiscence of your scar tissue
Light light
Ignite
I can't contain it
Gauze and tape
Ideal burn kit
I hope you enjoy the warmth
It's the last evening 
Fully living
Without the thought of me etched in

Destructive

I felt you engulf my heart
Spitting it out
All over the walls
I felt you break apart my bones
Wearing them as a crown
On your damaged throne
I felt you cut out my tongue
Permanently speaking in a softer tone
How many more things can you change
To make me the perfect fit
Mutilating my entire being
Still won't fill the void you are constantly seeking

Social Media

I am surrounded by this fake world
People hoping a stranger will make them feel adequate
Looking for acceptance through the amount of followers
Partying to participate with the socialites
No one truly gets it
You think the internet runs your show
Imagine if it was removed
How much loyalty would the world have with you
Imagine if this platform didn't exist
Could you continue to live with yourself
Im sorry to say 
Most of you would lose your way
Not knowing what is trending
Or what the latest people are saying
You would have to focus on reality
Actually living the way you so falsely claim
Not able to grasp these pointless conversations
Trapped
Fake
What a ridiculous world
Where likes seem to validate 
So much toxicity flowing through
We scroll through our feed
Drinking it up like a warm cup of tea
Depression heightened
Always upset
The girls who bases their worth off a stupid comment
Do you even see it?
Can you even recognize it
Or are you so brain washed by the current situations
That your world is over by a loss of 10,000
Fraud
Judgement
Most won't talk to you if you can't give them something
Give me a shout out
Talk real talk
Oh thats right you don't really give a fuck
Looking to boost your own morale
Just imagine a world 
Where the internet didn't work
Would your life still matter
Or would it be as unimportant 
As the selfie you posted
With a long quote about how kindness helps the world
Yet you are body shaming another girl

Spider Bite

Forever I know this feeling

The feeling of loneliness

Uncontrollable emptiness

No matter how much love I feel

Inside is still a cobweb of misery

Is that what a spiders bite feels like?

The poison of lies and despair

Are you my black widow in human form

Can you unravel me from your current web

Your darkness is too familiar

It helps me dig deep inside my darkest corners

The depth of your breath

The excitement of your grip

Will the lights turn out themselves

As the candle drips its last bit of wax

Our flame soon burning out

Matching black nails

Disaster in our fairy tale

No wonder I can't seem to get to sleep

I am not sleeping beauty

My prince isn't showing up

My face turns blue

My bruises are black

Your beating heart fades

The rhythm of our existence

Falling deep into this pit of darkness

Closed in my coffin

Buried 6 feet under

My peace 

My love

My bliss

Holding our last vow

Do not disturb this poisonous kiss

Access Granted

I wish I could unlock your phone
Access it all
Attain the code
To search the numbers
Names unknown
Interested
Stupid
Why should I even be looking
Trusting
Mistrusting
Former lusting
I wonder what's hidden
It's so forbidden
Im curious though
As the messages load
Please send more red flags
It's beginning to help me figure it out
I want you
I lost you
Im completely and utterly
Engulfed in you

Shopping for Love

Shopping for the perfect mate

Discounted happiness

Sub pare dates

Excuses for excessive buying

Just because it's a sale item

Not putting in full effort

Basics mismatched

A wallet of hurt

Can't return

Final sale

Lies exposed

Another fictitious tale

In debt 

Beginning to steal

Caught for shoplifting

Trapped in jail

Sent to get clean

Each week a new meeting

Told everyone I will stop

Raising my bar 

Being enough

An array of sales sent to my way

Testing the waters 

Of course I will play

Relapsing into my old ways

1.9.19

My heart is bursting 

Caved in 

Pulsating 

Experiencing heart break

An open cavity 

Am I consumed by lost love

Can I hold onto something other than lust 

A former flame

Disposable 
Unattained

I feel nothing 

I feel everything 

My mind is racing for the answers 

Loving was my disaster 

reading old words

I still feel the cuts
deeper and deeper each day
its as if the pain likes to stay
I'm sitting in a bath
trying to wash it all away
trying to forget everything
except the truth is
i remember it all
the good the bad
the happy the sad
i remember every feeling
i re read something you sent me this evening
it was about loving me forever
till heaven you stated
the only thing thats missing
is the truth in all your statements
you spoke so many words
made so many promises
you stated i was forever
that your love would never perish
its weird to me now
those words i continue to cherish
i can't say i miss you
because you were never real
nothing you did backed up how you said you feel
i know now
that the words are meaningless
that my soul was never yours to keep
i look at myself now
seeing love pulled from within
showing myself how strong i am
Its crazy how much and how little you knew me
you knew parts of me the best
better than anyone else
at the same time you didn't know me at all
you only knew the pieces you chose to understand
everything else was tossed out or under your command
i use to imagine you accepting everything
loving me the way i loved you
i now realize that will never happen

because who I was in love with was never you

Slowly insane

Loving you was a slow toxicity to my body 

Filling up my lungs and veins 

I began to go insane 

Always looking for a reason

Emotions changing more than the seasons 

Will it drown me or let me grow 

This pain is all that’s left to show 

Decomposing left to rotten 

Feed the earth I am forgotten 

Will you remember me 

Remember all that you couldn’t see 

Or will you douse my name in flames 

Letting me burn in a forbidden way 

All I did was love you 

I just wish you loved me too

Saturday nights

Impressions

Indentations 

Your grip 

My sensations

Breathing down my neck 

Goosebumps pile thick

One leg

Two leg

Three leg

Four 

Entangled in eachother 

Wanting more 

Your skin 

My warmth 

Our lips 

Your tongue

It’s only the beginning

I’m not done  

I love you

I love you
Three words
The most beautiful
The most tragic
What’s your love?
Affection?
Validation?
Giving?
Do you know what it feels like?
To fully love something
Love is stronger than any drug
Something so powerful
Yet so fragile
No wonder we are so afraid
Because who can deal with it being taken away
It’s the biggest detox
You will ever feel
Heartbreak is real
No wonder no one wants to feel it again
But if you stop feeling
You will never experience
The I LOVE YOU
That is specifically meant for you
Something that specific
Can never be duplicated

In that moment you will fully understand

Outbreak

You’re my constant desire

The thing I long for 

My favorite attire 

Your breath my perfume 

Your kiss my hydration 

Entangled for warmth 

No more sexual frustration 

It’s like you’ve mastered every code

Undressing me with a simple hello

Affection 

Infection 

Maybe a deadly direction 

Who cares at the moment 

I’ve longed for your presence

Enter my mind 

Be contagious 

2-18-18

Dripping down my chest 

Your beads of sweat 

Our bodies entangled 

Your breath 

Fresh on my neck 

A kiss no longer poison 

A touch no longer forbidden 

Writing your own codes 

On my porcelain skin 

Can you unlock my heart 

Is it safe to say 

We might be a work of art 

I grasp your palms 

My body softens 

Every pain I ever felt 

Now forgotten 

Page 25

I use to cry about losing you 

Worried to be alone 

Scared you would replace me

Thinking death if you were gone 

In reality of all of this 

After the fire burnt out 

My mind was manipulated 

My heart could live without 

It wasn’t love 

Not the type you read as a little girl 

It were the red flags 

Warning signs 

Therapists read from their books

You had me fooled 

A fool for a while 

But now the light has burnt out

I get on my knees and pray 

Thanking God everyday 

That he took you away 

Love me too

Introduce me to your darkest depression

Your deepest cut

Your entire vessel

Let me taste your blood 

Analyze the iron 

Make real 

My deepest desires 

You have no idea 

What you do to me 

The way you stare 

Or kiss my lips 

I feel every pulse 

I memorized your every gulp

Doesn’t matter what you do 

But please

Love me tender 

Love me honest 

Love me too

Page 17

The deeper I drown 

Into your thoughts 

The less and less 

I want to wake up 

You’re my prayer 

In the flesh 

My heart connects 

To your cerebral cortex 

It all seems aligned 
How you understand 
My heart with your mind 

I’m going to enjoy 

Your every move 

My heart began beating 

Just for you 

No more you

Can I ask you a question 

Will you help me figure it out 

How we went from death do us part

To your already out

Already in love with someone else

You needing a distraction?

Can’t work on yourself 

I was hoping my intuition was wrong

But you simply fooled me that long 

I’m sad I’m hurt 

But I’m not damaged or broken 

The weird thing about loving you

I wasn’t inlove with you 

You were able to mess with my head and emotions

Making me feel so worthless 

Needing so much help 

I felt the severity of the pain 

As you accused and ended things that day

The biggest thing I tend to leave out 

Was our love was pouring 

Front two very different spouts 

I loved you and meant it 

You loved me and lied 

Trying to push me down

Take away my internal light 

Each and every move was strategized 

I can’t  believe I trusted anything out of your mouth 

I loved you it’s true 

But it’s the love I thought I knew 

Now that I’m centered

Safe and complete 

I will only bring in what’s meant for me 

Respecting and loving myself was a must 

I finally got rid of the last bit of “you” dust

picture painting

I felt you engulf my heart

Spitting it out

All over the walls

I felt you break apart my bones

Wearing them as a crown 

On your damaged throne 

I felt you cut out my tongue 

Trying to speak in a softer tone 

I felt my blood wipe across your face

Your sweat and tears you embrace 

Introductions

You’re like a dream

Every movie

Every novel

Every poem

Short story 

It describes you

It portrays you 

You dropped into my life

Subtle yet explosive 

You left an indent 

Yet we barely talk 

It’s okay though

Loving you from afar 

It’s better that way 

So when I continue to fall

I fall for the person I think you are

And that person never breaks my heart