reading old words

I still feel the cuts
deeper and deeper each day
its as if the pain likes to stay
I'm sitting in a bath
trying to wash it all away
trying to forget everything
except the truth is
i remember it all
the good the bad
the happy the sad
i remember every feeling
i re read something you sent me this evening
it was about loving me forever
till heaven you stated
the only thing thats missing
is the truth in all your statements
you spoke so many words
made so many promises
you stated i was forever
that your love would never perish
its weird to me now
those words i continue to cherish
i can't say i miss you
because you were never real
nothing you did backed up how you said you feel
i know now
that the words are meaningless
that my soul was never yours to keep
i look at myself now
seeing love pulled from within
showing myself how strong i am
Its crazy how much and how little you knew me
you knew parts of me the best
better than anyone else
at the same time you didn't know me at all
you only knew the pieces you chose to understand
everything else was tossed out or under your command
i use to imagine you accepting everything
loving me the way i loved you
i now realize that will never happen

because who I was in love with was never you

Slowly insane

Loving you was a slow toxicity to my body 

Filling up my lungs and veins 

I began to go insane 

Always looking for a reason

Emotions changing more than the seasons 

Will it drown me or let me grow 

This pain is all that’s left to show 

Decomposing left to rotten 

Feed the earth I am forgotten 

Will you remember me 

Remember all that you couldn’t see 

Or will you douse my name in flames 

Letting me burn in a forbidden way 

All I did was love you 

I just wish you loved me too