My review of 2014

A year can change a lot

Started it off

Moving to a state for a boy

Later to find out I was a toy

A sickness scare

Leaving my gma impaired 

A new start for my passion

Controlled by distractions 

Intertwined in old flames

Ending in repeated heartbreaks

Expanding my knowledge 

Not graduating from college

Becoming my own

Writing songs for the unknown 

Leaving all the jealous humans

Behind In this year of chaos

No grudges entering the new year

But won't put up with you either

A new start

A new path

Enjoying them with the ones that last

Cheers to the ones who changed us

Cheers to the ones who love us 

2014 you were a lesson 

2015 you will greater than the Great Depression 

Next thought

Think about this

I gave you my heart

Not figuratively 

I reached into my chest and handed you my beating heart

What did you do?

You left it 

Letting it beat on the floor

You didn't care for the honesty 

Walking away from my prophecy

Oh now you want friendship?

Now you want something deep

You won't get it 

You were already 6 inches deep in that girl

Still thinking about it makes me hurl

So the word friends will never describe us

There is no more to discuss 

Yep

I love the smell you leave on my skin

It's cigarettes and your bodies wind

Except that night you came around

Wearing perfume and some whores mouth 

You think I couldn't tell the difference

That you suddenly had a mistress 

She wears Lola and some awful red

Smoking camel crushes in our bed 

I couldn't help but think of her time

It makes me want to drown in wine

You're constantly driving me insane

Tossing me out like cheap champagne

Hoping not to be caught and dead

But honey that is how your story ends

Time is precious

People are always so nosy

Giving opinions but know nothing

Spreading tall tales

Then reading more fables

No wonder innocence is lost

The way of life now

Makes more people frown

The judgement with insecurities

Giving more humans impurities 

At the end of the day

There's no one to save

We all have our evils 

Some never leave em

So next time you go to open your mouth

Make sure something positive is coming out

Marks

Your fingernails in my side

Takes me for a ride 

I close my eyes

To reach my insane paradise

The scent of cigarettes 

All over your fingertips 

Leaves the perfect perfume for me 

Now grab me once

Throw me twice

Take me to that paradise 

I'm Sorry

Two words

Hardest to accept

Hardest to reject

What makes a sorry, sorry

Is it the actions to back it up

Or the memories we have to wrap up

Do we forgive just because it's said

Do we let go of the dread

It's a slippery slope

We go through life trusting people

Sometimes making it to the steeple 

One mistake and flash

A life crash

Can a sorry really mend it all

Some say forgive and forget

Don't fret 

Accept mistakes and move forward

Is it possible?

Can one human truly forgive

With just two words

Your sorry for what?

At the time it's what you wanted

Thinking you wouldn't be caught

The sorry lasts for so long

Till it's all gone

We wait 

Hoping not to be let down

Hoping our face does something other than frown

Reminisce on the good times

Trying to forget this crime 

Hoping one day it will disappear

And your heart won't be in fear 

The game

Something not surfaced

Subconsciously done

Dwindling people away

To find the one

Can't text first 

Or wait three days

Are they rules 

Or does it get in the way

We are so worried about a match

Forgetting just to relax

Has honesty been thrown out?

Can we not be upfront 

Can we not explain our intentions 

Do we have to give reasons for not connecting

People these days are so scared 

What if he doesn't like me

What if she doesn't call me

Who cares

Find what you want and let it consume you

Never give up until failure loves you

Then we will defeat the game

Victory will never be our shame

Thoughts

Drip drop

The sound of my tears hitting the floor

I have not scored

The rawness of my soul

Makes me numb and old

Damaging the heart again

When two lovers are forced friends

I won't stick around to be there for you

I don't owe you my friendship 

Not my loyalty too

I'm sorry

The words I hear to often

The two words that make up for nothing

I love so deep

That I become weak

Hopeless romantic

No longer a semantic 

Nothing makes sense anymore

Like I said I haven't scored

Survey Says

Opposite of love is hate

I hate that I love you

Or I love to hate you

Many people never experience it

Stuck in their own heads 

Beating themselves up with dread

Many think it's comfortable silence 

Some experience loving violence

A recognition of a counterpart

Making us more resilient 

I don't think anyone truly knows 

Love 

It's powerful 

You choose wrong your destroyed 

You choose right your complete

Crazy how two people meet

Rawness of the soul is my take

Feeling everything is loving

No matter what we are all loved

Some crave the theaters take 

Others keep the reality fake

One day we will all receive

Everything that we perceive 

So until then it's war 

And we have not scored

Above all

Take a deep breath and sit

Your heart and mind telling you to quit

Push aside your devils eyes

Quit focusing on peoples lies

Everyone will try to bring you down

But never take off your crown

Your the writer of your own story

So bring it to it's finishing glory

Tearing through the webs of jealousy

Leaving it dead in a cemetery 

Hovering above like a kite

To drag us into our perfect twilight 

Drunk mistakes

A hand on my chest

I become undressed 

The toxics in my system

Leave me smitten

Your such a gentlemen

At least I thought anyway

But with the last drink

You scoop me with a wink

Take me home 

To come undone

It's hard to be divine

When I'm 3 bottles deep in wine

Not a slight care

You push me down n stare

Finally finishing ur desire

I cry for about two hours 

Why must you do this hun

I thought you were a nice one 

I guess you can't trust a soul

When your left drunk on a stool

The next day I put on a smile

Hiding my sadness for a while 

Only for it to be brought up in the future

To seem like a drunk hooker

But pointing fingers leaves shame

And at one point you wanted this claim

Bouquet of Devotion

My veins sharp as stems

Cutting me to the end

My insides become duds 

Replaced with rose buds

Rapidly growing

They all begin crowing

Walking around as a corpse of love

Vulnerable as a flesh of dove

My emptiness replaced

Thrown out like toxic waste

The only thing curing my sickness 

Is your mental illness

The unhealthy potion we devour

Makes these buds turn into flowers

The beauty behind our darkness

Will leave us heartless

So If we part

It shall turn to art

And a smile will rise

In our own demise 

Wake up

Why do girls I know

Let these boys destroy their soul

Don't they get they'll never change

It's like running in a firing range

You know you'll get shot

But you think one might dodge your spot

The end is always the same

These boys will never change

It only hurts the more you go back 

It's only just another attack

Your always the problem 

It's always your fault 

They are the wound and you are the salt 

It's so unhealthy but you crave the feeling 

You know it's bad but you can't help the stealing 

People witnessing your return

But your not even concerned

We listen to your constant struggle

We can't help your trouble

Your cries are repetitive 

Your relationships are so negative 

People will get over your complaints

Showing you constraint

You are so brilliant

But you look like an idiot

So until then have fun

Because your sanity is surely done 

Void

Separated from skin to skin

Waiting for the win

Why do we continue to suffer

When we can be one with another

Fights escalate 

Then we separate

Do you ever wish to stay

Or are you over this anyway

I wish myself was good enough

This is way to tough

I believe in romance

Doing the dance

Of absolute chaos 

Finishing the final playoff 

When I'll be completed

Or finally defeated

The question remains

Why am I still in pain

When love should fill the void

Instead I am completely destroyed 

Until the next time I meet you

And this starts all over

Till then I'll continue to be a silent rover 

 

Recovering

Badgering me until I cry

Left with no choice than to lie

I thought you could do me a favor

Walk into my life as a savior

I hate you so much

It's turned into my crutch

Moments of sudden weakness

Leaves me in total bleakness

All I ask is for no more pain

I just simply wish to be sane

The questioning and fighting has to end

So I can finally begin to mend

The love I have fills me up

It also has become my death cup

Sometimes I lay awake and pray

That death will soon come my way

Then I wake for another day

Hoping today the pain will go away 

Constant Struggle

I'll try

But you'll let our love die

Conversations one sided

I am now divided 

Torn between heart and brain

Leaving me with constant pain

Maybe if I end it first

It'll dry up without thirst

I don't want to say goodbye

But I'm finished living a lie

Phone calls lessen

I'm in sudden depression

I won't keep holding on

When your just out getting some

I love you more than you'll know

But I can't do this anymore

Goodbye will be the last I say

That will pave my new pathway 

6101-->1400 miles

Please stick around

I'll give you your crown

Our crazy roller coaster

As perfect as a Britney poster 

This feeling won't go away

No matter how many miles I'm away

My body trembles when I see you

It aches when I leave you

Your kisses deepen me

My heart is filled with thee

I crave your touch

I can never have too much 

Whenever your not around 

I struggle not to drown 

I'm forever yours 

My love seeping out my pours

I'd keep a rose alive for you

Only if you knew

How I would bleed for you

Die for you

I just need you 

I love you

I love us 

Dear Mom

You brought me into this world

Giving me the best childhood

Always taking care of me

Even cleaning up my pee

Being there during my teens

Even when I made you scream 

Rescuing me from my mistakes 

Even with large gashes on my face 

Endless doctor visits

I know you really miss it

Helping me with my problems

Feeding me Baskin Robbins 

I look up to you constantly 

Cherish you endlessly

Laughing and crying

Never lying

I love you mum

Cheers with this rum

Your the best a girl could ask for

I love you more n more

Have a fabulous day

You deserve it that way

Love always

Your baby daughter 

Drunken mess

Your always drunk 

Haven't you had enough 

Being so hateful

No wonder you can't live grateful 

People won't stick around 

Leaving you to drown

I hate you for yelling

I hate you for the swelling

My heart has grown numb

And I feel so alone

Someone save me from the dark

Bite me off like a shark

I am so invested

But so detested 

I punch and scream 

A reoccurring theme

I will soon die from all of this

Then to live on in infinite bliss

Love gun

You killed me at hello

Falling in your black hole

Being inside your darkest everything 

Makes me feel like a blessing

Climbing up that ladder of love

Meeting one that fits like a glove

One will always be better than the last

I just hope someone else is your past 

So I'll be the girl your troubled without 

Hoping our love will never burn out

Short n Sweet

The saliva on your lips

Taste delicious with a kiss

You are my poison 

Gone Before Dawn

The passion was undeniable

But I'm way to vulnerable 

Why do I crave you

But constantly hate you

The way your hands clench my thighs

I get lost in your eyes 

The softness of your lips on mine

Combine our blood line 

I've never felt this type of passion

So desired like high fashion

It's really just a lust attraction

On top of a nice distraction 

Your smile your laugh

It's all so nice

But then I remember I'm just your slice

Because I Know You

The way you smile through sadness 

When your soul turns to blackness

I want to cure your insecurities

And take away your impurities 

To have your fingers intertwined 

Never needing to push rewind

Your cold breath upon my spine

With the taste of your favorite wine

The way you hug me endlessly

Our unbreakable chemistry

Never to be replaced 

My soul is yours to take

I adore you

I love you 

I'm forever with you 

Aftermath

I wish you the best 

But my heart is no longer dressed

Feeding my loyalty to myself

Learning the grief of oneself

Do I deserve this constant misery

To drown my soul into deep commisery

Hating you is one of my deepest desires

But I'll never put out my hearts fire 

Loving you destroyed my morals 

Buried my soul

And demolished my standards 

Rules

A few things I've been told 

To keep your rose from going old

Keep the fighting clean

Try not to be mean

Keep your sex dirty

And you'll last past thirty

All I want is our love to last

Not to be just a past

Our love to ripen into maturity 

To live on into perpetuity 

Carousal

Limp and defenseless,

Body restless

This I do attest.

To only suffer

With one true lover 

Is death nevertheless.

And to him I submit with raw affection

Stripping me down to mere perfection

Only to wonder with apprehension 

What may happen next. 

Painless infliction, leather constriction 

Saddens with me predetermined affliction 

Only to find out my darkest addiction

Is not in fact him, but you.

So to him I digress,

And to you I confess

Burning desires I do posses,

Formidable infinite regress,

I revel in the untrue.

Written by: Rachel

Find her on insta--- rachel__kahn

Re-written: My best friends' rad!

Absorbing into my pale skin

Sunscreen applied thin

Happy to be alive and well

Sun burning like the gates of hell

Warm and relaxing to say the least

Day dreaming in these spring leaves

A wide brimmed hat to hide my face

New bathing suit trimmed with lace

I hold my breath as I dive in

The cold water feels like pins

My heart pounding, calmly beating

All in a moment fleeting

By: Rachel 

Sunshine

Absorbing into my pale complexion

With sunscreen on it's the only exception 

So happy to be alive n well

Even tho I'm burning like hell

It's relaxing to say the least

To day dream in these brown leaves 

A hat to hide my makeupless face

And a new bathing suit with lace

The perfect combination

Mixed with the best weather in the nation 

I hold my breath and jump in

The cold water feels like pins

This is such a refreshing feeling

My old self is finally peeling 

My dearest

I can't let you go until I have to

I feel like you feel the same way

Like you said anything could happen 

It won't make it easier to quit

It won't make it easier to stay

But we can always find a happy medium 

If we are meant to be it will be

I want you to be able to talk to me 

And always hold the key

But if u end up finding someone new

Then we just change our love stew 

Until then I love you more

And I want your heart to bleed...to pour

Xo

Morning ramble

So here I am one more time

Another shot chased with a lime

Only my voice slurring your name 

You look at me with the most shame

I can't take this any longer 

My eyes begin to wonder

Why did you make me feel this way

What bad karma do I have to pay

Another shot taken 

The end in the making 

I know what I'll do

Is murder you too

Tell you I love you

And leave without a clue

No longer hearing from me

Your soul bleeding from thee

And then we will be even

And I won't look at you another evenin

Night-terror

I grabbed my stomach screaming

How do I hurt when I'm dreaming

Waking up in a cold sweat

Turning over onto my stuffed pet

I can't believe I lost him in my dreams

I looked around and let out a scream

Is this what happens next in life

Waiting for my heart to be sliced with a knife 

Was it a dream of all dreams

Or a real life scheme 

A tear rolls off my cheek 

I lay down to weep

Stop it I say I'm to young for these fears

quit it as I wipe away my last tear 

I turned on the light 

To kiss you goodnight

Just to realize my fright

was the truth it was right 

Ends

Death

It's so unknown but happens daily

Why are we so afraid but live so freely 

The pain and sorrows we gain 

When a loved one no longer has pain

They are released into some place above

And we grip on to any lasting love

The smiles take weeks to come back

Happiness is something we begin to lack

Grasping around the knowledge of gone

our lives are stuck in sad songs

Now everything becomes a memory

Because you are lost in eternity

Until it's my time to die

I will live with this pain and try not to cry

Because I know your smiling wherever you may be

It's just hard to live on without you, you see 

Friday 3/7

Friday night we rushed you in 

Keeping me from a night of sin

I watched as the chills took you over

Squeezing you into the range rover

They asked for your birth date

Which made you have no wait

Checking all your vitals

Hoping the grim reaper isn't your rival

Trying to find a good vein

 Waiting for the blood to pour like rain

Finally finding a crazy infection 

Admitting you in for further inspection

So many pokes beneath your skin

It's hard on us to take this in

You look at us with sorrowed eyes

Which made me lay my head n cry

Get well they say 

So with that I pray

Pages of this book

What am I doing here

All my thoughts tend to disappear

I am seriously so finished 

But when I try to leave I diminish 

Please wrap your arms around me

Use your eyes to help me see

What you've done to help thee

All I remember is the dark

So try to leave a better mark

Respect respect respect

But actually go fuck yourself 

No other way could my thoughts change

So close the book on this blank 

page

Come back

I knew when you hugged me

You always have loved me

Even  how I treated you

I practically defeated you 

You always make me see

How good you are for me

When I give n take away your pain

Your still the only thing keepin me sane

I'm sorry for my awkward goodbyes

I just dont want you to see me cry

You deserve more than a call or text

So i hope I can have a second yes

Because after so many meaningless hugs

Yours is the only one that fits like a glove 

The puzzle piece to fit n complete

I just want you, no sub-in or repeats 

I love you more than you will see

So please please please come back to me 

Never chosen

I read that text over and over

Putting together pieces of a lying lover

Storming in to throw your shit 

Trying to spare my angry hit

How could you?! I screamed 

My body tearing at the seam

Your response so blank

I just caught you, my heart sank

Tears filling up my eyes

Playing back all your audio lies

Slamming the door on your repeated sorrys

You won't ever have to hide secrets don't worry 

A repeated position I'm constantly in

The other girls always seem to win

Am I not pretty enough for you not to cheat

Or did I deserve these constant repeats 

I guess what needs to change

Is a want for a guy my age

They will always choose

Blonde hair and big boobs

And I will always suffer

From a young mans dishonor